Make me a real boy! Okay, so I totally feel like Pinocchio. Not that I'm made of wood and have Jiminy Cricket breathing down my neck, but I totally went to Wal-mart last night and, unbeknownst to me, I bought boys' briefs because, yes, I sort of wanted some, and yes, I'm a weirdo.

So the thing is I think those little briefs with cartoon characters are uber-cool. However, they don't make adult ones. At least, they don't have them in Wal-mart, and I'm sure as hell not going to pay lots of money for cartoon briefs. I save that for the Calvin Kleins. :) Anyway, I went perusing last night after Outback because I had some time to kill. I was supposed to go back and eat dinner with another hostess, but it turned out she had to do office stuff. Dumped again. :( J/K. Anyway, I digress. Oh, oh. And yes, in addition, I picked up nail polish. Nail polish, you say? Yes. Bilbrey and I are going to randomly paint our nails, and in doing so I'm becoming a total fag. I bought white, silver, black, and clear. Anyway, I digress, again. So, I go over to the little boys' section, totally thinking how I'm going to explain this to the cashier: finger nail polish and boys' briefs. I felt like a pedophile or something. But I totally had worked out that I was picking them up for my niece and nephew. (And of course, those workers could give one rat's ass.) So, perusing the briefs, they seem to have limited size selection. In fact, unless your ass and waist is like 20 inches, you may as well forget about it.

BUT. I was looking through the many, many selections they had. Spongebob, space creatures, lizards, Batman (YES!), Spiderman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...etc. etc. They had a lot. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot in Dan's size. Not that I blame them by any means. While I'm a small guy, I don't feel they should have my size stocked for idiots like me. Anyway, yeah. I come across the Ninja Turtles. I freaking love Ninja Turtles. I mean for gosh's sakes, I was in a club with my childhood friends--I was Michaelangelo! They were even in a wearable size...26-28 (I'm a 28). So I got them. However, they're boxer briefs. I already have boxer briefs. I wanted briefs! But I couldn't pass these up. So...I kept looking. All the while I'm on the phone with Clare's mom just chatting. Little does she know I was searching for cute underwear. HAHA. :) Well, the only thing they had were Batman in like 8. Now granted, size 8 is the kids' size. So I looked to see what that meant. Ahem. An 8 in kids equals 23.5 inches in the waist. That's like five inches too small. Now, a normal person would pass. Hell, a normal 21 year-old man wouldn't even think of buying boys' briefs. But no, what do I do? I buy the mother effers. That's right! I take my Batman briefs, my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles boxer briefs, and my finger nail polish and I march to the checkout.

Fast forward: I tried the briefs on when I got home. They are quite snug. However, I'm going to wash them and hopefully they'll loosen up. On the positive side, they are really fun. So, if anyone wants a modeling show of me in my Batman skivvies and some matching nail polish, just let me know! Haha. Caitlin, the Caped Crusader is headed your way shortly! Beware of Dan Wayne!