current playlist: alicia key's "if i ain't got you"
Please forgive me, Lord.
You know, I don't know what it is about me. Not just me, but a lot of people, which just happens to include myself. Why do people talk about other people so much? I mean am I just so bored and have such a boring life that I need to gossip about other people? It's just retarded. Do I have such bad self-esteem that I have to talk down about others to make myself feel better? It's really pathetic. It's always superficial shit, too. Who gives a flying whatever about who did what with whom--where, when, how, why??? I know I do this, it's just sometimes you step back and you're like, "Why am I like this?" Maybe it's just me. Yah? No?
I guess it's human nature. I mean I could not gossip, I suppose. I just feel like if you're talking with someone else, it's usually about other people. It seems almost natural. Am I wrong? Even if it's not mean-spirited, it's always just blah blah blah about blah blah blah. It's actually exhausting and quite pointless.
I'd like to change; I'd like to at least try not to be as superficial; it's pathetic; it's dishonest; it's just not nice. I can't even say I really enjoy it.
I had to get that off my chest.
So, have you ever wanted to tell someone something really badly but it's really frickin' uncomfortable and downright hard? Trust me, I have...many times. It's so hard. I literally pray for strength to do it sometimes. To not be able to be comfortable with yourself with others sucks. I want nothing more than the ability to completely trust and let myself be vulnerable. Even though, you can get hurt a lot by doing so. Trust me, I know. I hope that my friends--people I love and, presumably, love me--feel comfortable to talk to me. I don't know if anyone ever wants to talk--to confide--but I know how, sometimes, I wish I could feel that with my close friends etc., and it's not always there.
Hmm...I don't know if I'm being negative or honest or just have a weird stream of consciousness? Maybe a little bit of each.
| follow your bliss. |
2 comments:
Hey honey. I know this is negativity week, so I should let this slide, but I feel the need to comment, as usual! I just wanted to let you know (which I think you already know ;-)) that you can ALWAYS come talk to me. And I know that doesn't help that much because you want to be able to talk to your friends without watching what you say, but I'll always listen to whatever, even if I don't agree with you--you know that! As for the gossip thing, I think it's pretty natural. I know you and Clare often get "gossip guilt" but the way I see it is, if you're not creating false rumors yourself, and you're fairly sure of your source, and it is without malicious intent, I don't see what's wrong with discussing others with your friends. I mean what else are you going to talk about? How well the grass is growing on the golf course? Whether you're "gossiping" or not, you're probably going o be talking about people--yourself, friends, parents, presidential canditates, people you don't even know--I think that's pretty natural. But that's just me. I'll admit I'm a bit of a gossip fiend. I'm just a curious person, and I like to be "in the know", but if that's a sin, I think it's a minor one. Hope your day is fantabulous, and remember I love you!
Daniel,
The best place to go to get something off of your chest is the Red Lion. :) Love you. ~xox~ Vix
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