.mini memoirs and notable insignificances of my medical school-driven life.

i find clinical experiences to be very humbling.

of note this week...

some of us went to the OR to "scrub-in," which equated to dressing up and learning how to wash our hands properly (actually pretty cool, even though very basic). we were all fitted more or less for "gear." the surgeon heading it up noted that my hand size was about a 7. after putting on the gloves, he examined my hands. thinking. examining. thinking. "gracile." he called my hands "gracile." definition: slender or thin. but usually implied in an attractive way. yay for my gracile hands. i guess it's better than the normal comparison to e.t.'s digits (yes, the alien). i also didn't really put my gown on the right way: breast stroke with the arms. i did a dive.

today, i was volunteered to be doctor with two actors. their goal: difficult patient interview. difficult it was. stupid, i was. seven peers, two actors, and a professor got to watch me basically fumble over my words as i tried to discuss "options" (which apparently isn't a good word to use, btw) with her missed period. granted, the goal was to put me in my place. they were in an open relationship, wanted to know if i was interested and/or married, and the male was quite adamant at making me look like a fool. yay for public humiliation. blow to the ego and also a good way to show you exactly what a first-year med student's abilities are. oh, and i also audibly laughed in another fake interview when the "patient" blurted that her throat pain has stopped her from having oral sex. probably not the best reaction to have. of course, once you start laughing you can't stop. or at least i can't. i seem to recall that i also laughed with "vaginal discharge."

on a more dually positive/negative note, my ACTUAL interview at the hospital this afternoon made me realize how insignificant my personal lackings are in many many ways. suffice it to say he has been dealt a bad hand of cancer, which led to his emotional breakdown with me, and my very close following of having my own as well. it sort of reaffirmed why i want to be a doctor--to have someone feel comfortable talking about things they haven't shared with anyone else is an amazing feeling and left me feeling very privileged. i would consider that experience the highlight of my year thus far. to have someone with stage 4 cancer with the ominous threat of Death share his or her fears and doubts is ineffably humbling.

meanwhile, i'm avoiding studying for my semi-massive cell physiology exam tomorrow. i keep telling myself that kinesin and dynesin motor motility will be crucial to the life and death decisions in my professional future.

when did my life become so exciting?